Lost Students Disrupt First Day Back

Aaron Snyder, Comedy Columnist

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Every year, the first day of school is filled with excitement, nerves and dread as students return to school to see their friends and meet their new teachers. The defining element of the first day of school, however, is lost kids. Each Tuesday after Labor Day, the halls of Horace Mann are filled with new students experiencing a special type of crippling anxiety – the anxiety that can only be felt when one realizes that 246T is not between 245T and 247T.

The beginning of the day is straightforward – students are told to head to Gross Theater for the opening assembly. The problem, as explained by a lost freshman, is that “Gross Theater could be anywhere!” The Record spoke to a group of new students right outside of the cafeteria. The students, who were looking for the cafeteria, said that signage posted around school wasn’t much help. Students coming from the Middle School had a hard time adapting to life in the Upper Division. “I feel lost without my iPad,” said a student who walked right past the library despite being told by a senior that it is impossible to miss.

Lost students on the first day of school is a common phenomenon, but the problem was exacerbated this year by the opening of the school’s new facilities. A freshman who mistook an AP Biology class for his Biology class left the new building trembling and convinced that coming to HM was a mistake. When asked about the incident, the freshman asked, “Is it too late to go back to Fieldston?” Because it was their first time in the new buildings, even returning students found themselves lost. “I think I’m overdressed,” said a junior who walked into an AP Physics class in a Speedo and goggles intending to take his swim test. Athletes, too, are having a hard time getting acquainted with their new facilities. The water polo team finished practice short a few members. The team’s coach claims that the athletes are lost in the depths of the new pool.