School sues the University of Chicago for plagiarism

Emma Colacino, Staff Writer

Over the weekend, seniors tore open their mail to find yet another glossy HM booklet promoting “Life of the Mind.” It was a pamphlet from the University of Chicago. This is not a joke. 


After hearing news about the confusion surrounding the University’s eerily familiar motto, Head of School Dr. Tee Kay became suspicious of its originality.


He then decided to sue the University of Chicago for plagiarism of the school’s Core Value “Life of the Mind” for $13 million. In the lawsuit, Kay claimed HM was very obviously the only school that has ever valued the life of the mind. “At the very least, they should have cited us in their sources,” he said. “Did they miss the history class in the library midway through the first semester where Ms. Kazan explains how to use Noodle Tools?”


Kay has chosen to take action now because he has an especially easygoing three months with extra free time in his schedule, allowing him to take on some new, fun, relaxing initiatives. 


Since news spread of the school sharing the same motto as the University, there has been an uproar of students demanding that the term “lifers” be changed to refer explicitly to students who begin at school in the threes and graduate from UChicago. “My college counselor told me that UChicago was not the right fit for me at all, but I didn’t go to Horace Mann for all these years to not be in the lifer section of the yearbook,” said a senior who demanded they remain anonymous.  


To uncover the entire, full, and utterly complete truth, The Record reached out to the Head of UChicago for his opinion on the matter. He declined to comment. 


A recent poll in The Record has shown that the change in UChicago’s values to match that of the school has also caused a 250% uptick in students applying ED to the university. “I can already bring all my maroon and white clothes to campus, and now I don’t have to re-learn any core values when I go to college,” Edna Ross (12), who is applying to the university, said. 


However, not all members of the student body are as pleased with sharing the motto as Ross. Herefora G. Time (10) has said that she no longer feels a sense of purpose in having “intellectual curiosity” if it’s going to be the norm at every other school, she said. “I didn’t even think that using your mind was something other schools even did,” she said. “I thought it was just kind of an HM thing, like sushi and ice skating.”


Outside of the classroom, students have created a petition to either move the school’s campus to Illinois or to move the UChicago campus to Riverdale, and form a joint high school/university. Yushi Cago (11), the creator of this petition, believes it would be beneficial for UChicago students to experience life on the HM campus, she said. “I just feel like they would get a great opportunity to experience going to school in a place where fun doesn’t go to die. Plus, they could taste the food trucks delicious soba noodles,” she said. “I bet they don’t have that in Chicago.”


This petition has already garnered the support of students, faculty, and parents, and has now been taken into consideration by the Alumni Council, who is guaranteed to provide an opinion on the matter within the next five to seven years. 


Irrela Vant ‘89, who is the school’s Head of Marketing, said it is actually fantastic that HM shares many similarities to the university and that the school should begin selling UChicago merchandise in the school’s bookstore. 


“Aftering sticking the HM logo on every sweatshirt, water bottle, mug, pen, umbrella, stapler, smartboard, face mask, iPhone, hairbrush, and chapstick that we could find, we were kind of stuck on where to go from there,” he said. “We might have to create a new building dedicated to selling school SWAG, but who are we without our HM Merch?”