Why Horace Mann is a perpetual Bat Mitzvah

 

  1. The girl’s bathroom is where it’s at.
    1. You just overheard a group of girls in the big stall talking about what Felicia and Jeremy were doing last Saturday night after they went to Momoya. You don’t know what to do with this information. 
  2. Free food for the ages.
    1. Never fear, you’re never further than thirty feet from a hot dog. Or maybe fear. Definitely fear. 
  3. You’re up past your bedtime and aren’t happy about it.
    1. 12:31 a.m. isn’t a great time to be jumping in a mosh pit to “Fireball” by Pitbull while inhaling the sweet scent of AXE cologne, but it’s a worse time to start your English paper about the Siberian prison system in Crime and Punishment.  
  4. Sweaty boys.
    1. That is all. 
  5. Absurdly long pick-up line.
    1. Uber would be nowhere without Horace Mann kids. 
  6. It’s expensive.
    1. Many, many, many tens of thousands of dollars. 
  7. Social insecurity.
    1. You didn’t know how to interact with people at 13. Now, you’re braceless, grown into your limbs, and stopped going to Serafina every weekend, but still don’t know what to do when your teacher says “How are you?” while walking quickly in the opposite direction in the hallway. 
  8. So. Much. Merch. 
    1. You have a shelf for BM merch and another shelf for Service Learning Day and Homecoming t-shirts from the past two decades. 
  9. You play Jewish Geography when bored.
    1. Wait, you’re family friends with him, too? That’s so funny! We went to Boca together last December.