Horace Mann Purity Test


Put a check by every item you have done. Subtract a point for each check mark to get your score out of 55.

Caution: This is not a bucket list. Completion of all items on this test will likely result in lifelong trauma.


have you ever… 

  1. hooked up in a faculty bathroom? 
  2. been caught by a faculty member after hooking up in a faculty bathroom?
  3. stayed at school past 6 pm? 
  4. stayed at school until midnight? 
  5. slept over at school? 
  6. fallen asleep during class?
  7. fallen asleep during an assembly? 
  8. skipped an assembly? 
  9. skipped pe? 
  10. skipped a half-credit class?
  11. skipped a full credit class? 
  12. received a cut slip even though you were in class?
  13. lied about failing a test? 
  14. actually failed a test (less than 65 percent)? 
  15. cried in class? 
  16. cried during a test? 
  17. cried while doing ungraded not-to-be-handed-in homework?
  18. been sent to guidance by one of your teachers?
  19. been sent to guidance by a random faculty member? 
  20. been to HOCO? 
  21. been to HOCO by accident?
  22. emailed a teacher at midnight? 
  23. emailed a teacher after 3 am? 
  24. gotten hit by a soccer ball while minding your business on the field?
  25. chucked a soccer ball back at a middle schooler on the field?
  26. gone bowling with your friends… using middle schoolers on the field as pins?
  27. turned in a major assignment a day late? 
  28. turned in a major assignment in a week late? 
  29. turned a major assignment in over a month late? 
  30. taken the subway to school? 
  31. avoided eye contact with your teacher on the same subway car as you? 
  32. gotten off the train and walked the remaining few miles to school in order to avoid ever running into a teacher on a subway car again? 
  33. made your friend get you Starbucks during their free? 
  34. been the friend that has to haul a million coffee cups à la Andrea Sachs interning for Miranda Priestly after your friends made you get them Starbucks during your free?  
  35. had food delivered to the school? 
  36. had food delivered to the school by a guy riding a motorcycle?
  37. fallen in love with your motorcycle delivery guy and run away to Italy with him? 
  38. been cut by a middle schooler in the lunch line?
  39. cut a middle schooler in the lunch line? 
  40. gotten into a verbal spat with a middle schooler over whether you’re allowed to cut them in the lunch line?
  41. gotten into a physical fight with that same middle schooler?
  42. lost that physical fight and spent your next free trying to come up with a cooler backstory for your swelling black eye?  
  43. bought a Monster from the vending machine? 
  44. consumed more than one Monster in a day? 
  45. consumed more than one Monster in a class period while your peers chant at you to “chug! chug! chug! chug!”?
  46. pulled an all-nighter?
  47. pulled more than one all-nighter in a week? 
  48. used the elevator without permission?
  49. been kicked off the elevator by a faculty member? 
  50. snuck onto a middle school bus?
  51. used the school’s Uber account for a ride home?
  52. sung the alma mater off school grounds? 
  53. been quoted on @overheardhm? 
  54. left hate comments on an @overheardhm post?
  55. said the words “junior spring cannot be that bad?” out loud?

Score: _____ / 55