After watching masses of committed students make their way into the pool during swim rotation, the Physical Education (PE) department decided to introduce the school’s newest varsity team: Varsity Paddleboarding....
To whom it may concern:
It has come to my attention—and perhaps those of you with any observational skills have noticed—that the growing pile of trash labeled “Lost and Found” outside...
“A movie was playing and a single student was sleeping in the back. I have no idea where my teacher was” Attên Dunce (12) said. No more than three students have shown up to Dunce’s English elective...
Spring is here (well, it would have been this week, if not for climate change) and it is the only thing keeping me going. This Monday, I almost broke down seeing small buds on the callery pear trees (maybe...
Put a check by every item you have done. Subtract a point for each check mark to get your score out of 55.
Caution: This is not a bucket list. Completion of all items on this test will likely result...
“It wasn’t until a drop of my friend’s spit landed on the tip of my tongue that I even realized it was hanging out of my mouth,” Sal Iva (11) said.
After Head of School Antie Maskyr decided...
Usually I can put up with all this madness, but the Kimye divorce was the proverbial straw that broke the Hornfeld back. Society is clearly both useless and dysfunctional, so I have decided to give up...
In a new survey sent to the Upper Division to gauge students’ workload, a surprising response arose. When asked which subject occupies the majority of students’ homework time, 78% of responders selected...
For the first time in a century, the school’s football team went undefeated for the season with a 0-0 record, setting a new Ivy League best for themselves. During the team’s practices, social distancing...
On Friday evening, the administration announced a new COVID-19 protocol: students are no longer allowed to breathe while masks are off during lunch. “Breathless Lunch” will begin on Monday.
Students...
A Puppet With Two Masters: Looking Back on Five Weeks of Civil War
After failing to reach a ceasefire agreement for mid-semester testing week, rebel forces closed in on Katz Library at 5:09 AM last...
From The Record editors’ experience, these steps have resulted in a 100% scheme rate. If they don’t work the first time, keep repeating them until you find success (or a restraining order).
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