The Record

Kayden Hansong

Paddle boarding PE unit takes it to the big leagues

Lucy Peck, ESPN Correspondent April 4, 2022

After watching masses of committed students make their way into the pool during swim rotation, the Physical Education (PE) department decided to introduce the school’s newest varsity team: Varsity Paddleboarding....

Letter to the editor

April 4, 2022

To whom it may concern:   It has come to my attention—and perhaps those of you with any observational skills have noticed—that the growing pile of trash labeled “Lost and Found” outside...

Seniors? We haven’t seen yer motivation in a hot sec.

Purvi Jonnalagadda and Hanna Hornfeld April 4, 2022

“A movie was playing and a single student was sleeping in the back. I have no idea where my teacher was” Attên Dunce (12) said. No more than three students have shown up to Dunce’s English elective...

Re-leaf! Spring is back, and so is my joke de vivre

Louise Kim, Flower Fiend April 4, 2022

Spring is here (well, it would have been this week, if not for climate change) and it is the only thing keeping me going. This Monday, I almost broke down seeing small buds on the callery pear trees (maybe...

Horace Mann Purity Test

Horace Mann Purity Test

April 4, 2022

Put a check by every item you have done. Subtract a point for each check mark to get your score out of 55. Caution: This is not a bucket list. Completion of all items on this test will likely result...

Two maskless best friends in a room (they might kiss)

Two maskless best friends in a room (they might kiss)

Oliver Konopko, Masked Singer April 4, 2022

“It wasn’t until a drop of my friend’s spit landed on the tip of my tongue that I even realized it was hanging out of my mouth,” Sal Iva (11) said.  After Head of School Antie Maskyr decided...

Student experiments: A week without living in a society…

Hanna Hornfeld February 28, 2021

Usually I can put up with all this madness, but the Kimye divorce was the proverbial straw that broke the Hornfeld back. Society is clearly both useless and dysfunctional, so I have decided to give up...

An abundance of caution? More like an abundance of emails!

Ariela Shuchman February 28, 2021

In a new survey sent to the Upper Division to gauge students’ workload, a surprising response arose. When asked which subject occupies the majority of students’ homework time, 78% of responders selected...

HM Football team goes undefeated for the first time in school history

Allison Markman February 28, 2021

For the first time in a century, the school’s football team went undefeated for the season with a 0-0 record, setting a new Ivy League best for themselves. During the team’s practices, social distancing...

Administration imposes breathless lunch in step up from silent lunch

Ariela Shuchman February 28, 2021

On Friday evening, the administration announced a new COVID-19 protocol: students are no longer allowed to breathe while masks are off during lunch. “Breathless Lunch” will begin on Monday.  Students...

Gettysburg who? Civil War ensues at Horace Mann

Jacob Shaw February 28, 2021

A Puppet With Two Masters: Looking Back on Five Weeks of Civil War After failing to reach a ceasefire agreement for mid-semester testing week, rebel forces closed in on Katz Library at 5:09 AM last...

HOW TO SCHEME: A step-by-step guide to succeeding in relationships from students who spend their Thursday nights creating a high school newspaper

February 28, 2021

From The Record editors’ experience, these steps have resulted in a 100% scheme rate. If they don’t work the first time, keep repeating them until you find success (or a restraining order).    ...

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